For you younger folks on my friends' list, back in the day when everyone listened to the radio, this song became a legend which was rarely heard due to its 18 minute length. When I was an university student, most rock stations would do an all-day Thanksgiving fundraiser for various charitable endeavors, most being for feeding various groups, since Thanksgiving is a feeding sort of holiday.
I mean, when you really think about it, the entire premise of Thanksgiving is to commemorate some starving settlers being fed by those they colonized, which made the entire colonization scheme legitimate. You know, "look, we killed a shit-ton of these people with diseases we brought to their land, and, because we are pompous Puritan knobs who depended on God to provide and failed to plant any food for ourselves, these dumbass Natives who cannot even speak English, have brought us some food and so we can have a gigantic feast!!! Let us eat and give thanks for this bounty of food!!!" And the Native Americans, who really brought these starving Anglos enough food to survive the winter without dying, were like "What are these stupid white fucks doing? This food is supposed to last for six fricking months! And these bell-ends are going to have a fricking feast and eat it all at one go?!? WTF is wrong with these Bible-thumpers?!? Yo, tell everyone to come to the party that 'we' are throwing with the Anglos. And from now on, only bring a day's worth of provisions for these dumbfucks!!!"
Thus, on Thanksgiving, when most US citizens are stuffing their faces with enormous amounts of food, radio stations would hope to catch those with their radios on and appeal to their generosity by having these charity fund-raising events. Most stations would play requests for donations, with the most popular songs only being played when a certain threshold of money was given. Which is to say, if $500 is pledged, then they would play Led Zepplin's 'Stairway to Heaven', or Lynyrd Skynyrd's 'Freebird'. Now the big moneymaker for this fundraising event was Arlo Guthrie's 'Alice's Restaurant Massacre'! It's 18:15 length meant it would never be played normally as it would cut into the station's ad revenue on regular air days. But on Thanksgiving Day, playing it meant the DJ could run to the crapper, smoke a doob, eat a sandwich, get a quickie with a radio groupie, basically any activity that could consume 18 minutes in return for sacrificing their Holiday with their family because they had to work that day.
Arlo's classic song was rarely heard and many music stores didn't carry the album since it would gather dust in the bins and take up valuable space from more popular sellers. Thus 'Alice' had a mythical status among rock fans. And due to its length, DJs would peg its fundraising capacity at a stellar $5000 mark. Once that was reached, then the airwaves would resound with the opening bars of the wonderful spoken word, with a four part harmony, live version, with crowd participation, of the infamous 'Alice's Restaurant Massacre'. In it Arlo relates a story of what happened one Thanksgiving morning when he and a friend decided to take out the trash for his friend, Alice. I won't tell you anymore of the story of the Massacre as Arlo tells it so well!!! But, everyone, at some phase of their life, deserves to set aside 18 1/4 minutes of their life in order to learn about the Alice's Restaurant Massacre!
And, before I finish so you can either experience 'Alice' for the first time, or to relive that first time you heard it by hearing it again, let me share an interesting story I have about how 'Alice' affected my life.
When I was in university, I was a young newlywed and new homeowner, and my in-laws came up to visit us for Thanksgiving. Because I worked all the time as well as carrying a full load of classes, it was impossible for my wife and I to go home for the holidays. My mother-in-law was a fantastic cook and fabulous person all around, and loved me to death. The year before, I had to work all day on Thanksgiving, as I was a student dispatcher for campus security and manned the desk at the campus welcome center. The holiday season was the best time to pick up megahours and lotsa bucks. My mother-in-law prepared the entire feast and I had arranged for a large table and chairs to be brought to the welcome center. We feasted, along with the elderly security guard assigned that shift, due to the love this woman had for me!
And the following year, this is why the family packed up their cars and drove the two hours to visit us again for the feasting day that is Thanksgiving! As the meal was being prepared, there was several bags of trash that accumulated. We lived in the country and there was no trash pickup where we were, so I had to drive to the local county dumpster site.
For those familiar with the song, the coincidence was uncanny. The dumpster site was about ten minutes away from the house which meant I had enough time to go and return and the meal would be ready to eat. Plus, the biggest bonus for me was the fact I would have enough time to smoke a joint and stoke my appetite for the feast-to-come and to mellow out my massive anxiety due to the crowd here for the holiday! So I loaded the car with the bags of trash and drove to the dumpster location, smoking and listening to WRDU, which was THE station in that area for the best music possible at any time of the day! The trash was disposed of, I headed home, and I was less than a hundred yards from my driveway with the turn signal on, when the DJ made an announcement. The fundraising goal had been met and 'Alice' was up next!!!
As the opening bars of the song came on, I flicked the turn signal off, stepped on the gas and, as my driveway faded in the rearview mirror, i fired up another doob, and cruised through the quiet countryside, listening to Arlo tell all about the Massacre. The gods had to have been smiling at me that day as the timing of it all was too perfect. I mean, Thanksgiving, trash, gathering to feast, and the SONG coming on right when it did!!! I drove and sang along with Arlo, in the four part harmony, the entire story of Alice, the trash, the Massacre, Officer Obie, the criminal justice system, the Vietnam War, the draft, and how you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant(excepting Alice)! I timed my diversion drive perfectly and as the last few bars of the song were being played, 18 1/4 minutes later, my driveway appeared again.
When I entered the house, I was completely fried, like a tater at a fast food joint(btw, thank the heavens for Visine!!!), and explained away my tardiness with a story about there being a line at the dumpster site. I mean, how could I really explain the wondrous synchronicity of the events that morning garbage dumpster run culminating with 'Alice' appearing when it did!!!
The feast was delicious!! We all had that Thanksgiving belly bulge when we had finished eating. And my anxiety was dampened enough that the afternoon socializing went smoothly.
Now, my lovely FB friends, please find the time today to set aside 18 1/4 minutes to be carried away by the fantastic tale of the Alice's Restaurant Massacre and the glorious message behind it!!! I promise that you won't regret it, whether it is your first time, or your tenth time, or your thousandth time.
Enjoy!!!
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